Keeping the Romance Alive

It’s easy to be romantic in the early phases of married life. In the early years love is fresh and exciting, and so we naturally look for ways to say I love you. We may send notes and creative gifts, organise interesting date nights and surprise rendezvous’, but after a while creativity can go out the window. Why? Because life becomes so daily, it becomes ordinary, and it becomes busy, and we forget each other in the midst of doing life together.

What is romance?

Romance is uninterrupted time – time together without kids, without work, without pressures, and so this needs to be planned. Contrary to what people may think, planning romance isn’t unromantic. It can be fun and exciting. Romance is also spontaneous, and looking for ways to bring a touch of romance to your everyday life will keep the sparks alive. Maybe consider attending one of our weekend getaways for couples. It’s a chance to really connect, enjoy unhurried time together and build intimacy.

Romance for women

So for women romance is generally spelt  r..e..l..a..t..i..o..n..s..h..i..p…. Do you get it? It means time. Or put another way, emotional connectedness. Yes it’s nice to have the romantic getaway weekend trips, or the hotel over nighters, we most definitely love that unhurried time together, but everyday gestures of thoughtfulness is what makes us feel seen and loved. We know our husbands love us but sometimes we don’t feel it, so men ensure your wives feel it by doing the simple things such as holding hands, tender kisses, gentle touch that doesn’t always lead somewhere, helping with the kids and around the home and generally making her a top priority.

I remember coming home one evening to a hot bubble bath, candles, chocolate, a wine and my book. Andy had picked up on my frazzled emotions over the phone and so when I arrived home he sent me off for some alone time and a soak, while he dealt with all the household duties. I felt so loved and appreciated his tenderness towards me.

Romance for men

Men often (but by no means always) spell romance with one of the shortest words in the dictionary s…e…x. For most men sex is a top priority and that’s what he thinks when he thinks romance.  That physical connection is powerful for a husband. So it’s not actually too hard for us to be romantic. Try meeting his physical needs by taking the initiative sometimes in this area, by being creative and making your bedroom a romantic place to be. The beauty is if you go all-out to meet his physical needs then it makes it easier for him to meet your emotional needs – and it works vice versa… it becomes an upward spiral.

Most men also appreciate words of affirmation.

So send him encouraging texts and e mails, notes that express your gratitude and praise for who he is and what he does. Tell him how you enjoy your physical intimacy with him, his mana, his work, his leadership and his faithfulness.

You might like to check out our recent podcast on ‘Sex in marriage’, or order our best selling question cards titled ‘Small talk for the bedroom’.

Do these things for one another and you will set the tone for a lifestyle of romance.


Share this article

Spread help and hope by sharing to your favourite platform

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on email

Get new articles delivered to your inbox​




Top Articles

Follow us:

Upcoming Events

More Articles

It’s Not About The Money

Have you ever fought about money in your relationship? I bet you have. I bet that some of your fiercest arguments have involved finances. Money …

Read More →

Have I married the wrong person?

Have you ever wondered that you might have married the wrong person? Often when we fall in love, we do so because that person is …

Read More →

Tricky conversations

Nobody likes them, right, and yet we all need to have them if our relationships are going to deepen and grow. I remember having a …

Read More →

The Gift of Sex

Wherever you turn today, sex is in your face. We live in a sex-saturated culture. The suggestion of sex is on billboards, in advertising and …

Read More →

Keeping the Romance Alive

It’s easy to be romantic in the early phases of married life. In the early years love is fresh and exciting, and so we naturally …

Read More →

Let’s lift our love game and learn from Bob

(This article was first published in 2013) I think it’s so easy to go through married life, taking each other for granted. I spoke with …

Read More →
Scroll to Top


The FamilyLife New Zealand podcast is now available anywhere you listen to podcasts