Let’s lift our love game and learn from Bob

I think it’s so easy to go through married life, taking each other for granted. I spoke with a dear friend who lost his wife recently. He was musing about how he would love her so differently if he could. Listening to him I want to learn from his loss, and not miss out on the lesson in my own marriage.

Here’s what he shared:

“I think back on all the emotion and time we both wasted having conflict over things that are meaningless. I would get “angry” with her and whine when she’d lock her keys in the car for the umpteenth time. Now I see that instead of an annoying waste of time, it was an opportunity to serve her and show her I love her.

Dozens of stupid conflicts . . . when she’d dry a piece of clothing I told her not to and now it fits my son instead of me. Big deal. Leaving the petrol tank empty. Big deal. She’d occasionally leave the oven on all night. Big deal. I’d get mad at her over . . . nothing!
Almost all our conflicts (like leaving the lights on, missing the rubbish truck, leaving the petrol tank empty) were almost always routed in hurting my pride, making things harder for me, wasting my time. Yeah right, like how much time am I getting with her now?

Seriously, giving time and energy to all that kind of pettiness was just a freaking waste. I’d give anything to have those times back and just love her instead.

Secondly, I would concentrate on not taking her for granted. I would try to recognize as many of the  “normal” things she did for me.  I’d acknowledge them, thank her for them, reward her more often for them. I’d end every phone call, email and text with “Love you” and mean it.

On the same line, I wouldn’t take life so much for granted either.

We just don’t know how much time our wife has, our children have, we have. I wouldn’t postpone special times, trips etc. because it was an inconvenient time, or would stretch me financially. I’d make a marriage and family “bucket list” and pursue it with Kathy wholeheartedly. Sadly, I have time now, money now, but not Kathy.

Now that I’ve actually written this down and not just mused about them, I’m dreadfully saddened. I was such a fool.”

Wow. Amazing insights from a special man. Precious words. And a great lesson for us all to heed.

As for me, I’m going to try and lift my “love game”.

What about you?

Nikki

(This article was first published in 2013)

Upcoming Events

Podcast

NEW ARTICLES TO YOUR INBOX

Top Articles

Follow us:

Share this article

Spread help and hope by sharing to your favourite platform

Facebook
Twitter
WhatsApp
LinkedIn
Email

Get new articles delivered to your inbox​

email-tag
email-tag

More articles like this

Wynand Jacobs

The Mission of Marriage

What does it mean to have an impact on your corner of the world? At FamilyLife, we desire to equip families, like yours, to grow together and impact their corner of the world. You may be newly married, or you may have a few decades of marriage behind you. You may be parents to a

Read More »
Wynand Jacobs

The Hope for Marriage

Stuck in the mud A few years ago, I travelled with a few friends to go camping on a property their family had just bought in Mozambique. This untouched piece of land was only accessible by driving for over 100km on a gravel road and then eventually going off “road” by GPS coordinates to get

Read More »
Wynand Jacobs

The Fall of Marriage

They say “Love is blind” … and marriage is the cure. Or, marriage is like receiving a phone call in the middle of the night; first the ring, and then you wake up… Or perhaps you’ve heard about the bloke who said, “I married my wife for her looks, but not the looks she’s giving

Read More »
Scroll to Top