Talking about sex is one of the keys to an intimate marriage.
Maybe you don't realise that the most important part of cultivating a healthy sex life is talking about it. It’s tough. It’s not typical dinner table conversation, especially if your kids are around. And yet it should be a priority. And we've actually found it kind of fun. Certainly very intimate. We want to help you both grow closer too and have written a range of questions that we've asked each other to help take away the risky, sweaty palms approach. There are a few guidelines to observe.
Guidelines for safe and intimate conversations.
- Find a place where you can share freely without fear of being overhead or interrupted.
- For this to be a positive experience you both need to be willing to be vulnerable. It’s important that you allow the other person to feel safe and trusted with what they share.
- Allow one another the freedom to pass on any question..
- Listen openly to understand their perspective. Listen without judgment or making them out to be wrong.
- Allow your partner to talk freely without interrupting.
- These conversations are purely between you and your partner.
30 Questions to help you talk about sex
1. What do you consider romantic?
2. When have been your most romantic times together and why?
3. Do you feel sexually safe with me? Why or why not?
4. How do you like to be turned on?
5. Would you like me to send you sexy texts or emails during the day?
6. Is there anything I currently do that you do not like me doing?
7. Where do you like me to touch you and how? Do you like gentle or firm touch?
8. How long would you like me to take typically to arouse you? How specifically can I arouse you?
9. Do you like the idea of quickie’s sometimes? How would you like me to suggest that?
10. How can we create a more romantic atmosphere in our bedroom?
11. Are there any positions that you would like to experiment with?
12. Are there any places you would like to make love?
13. What do you enjoy about our love making? How would you like us to grow in this area?
14. How frequently would you like to make love?
15. Do you like the idea of oral sex?
16. When you think of being more creative in the bedroom where does your mind go?
17. Is there any particular fantasy that you haven’t shared with me for fear of being thought of as wrong?
18. How can I serve you better in the area of intimacy?
19. Research says that the brain is a woman’s greatest sexual organ – can you tell me what that means for you?
20. What part of your body are you pleased with? What part of your body are you not pleased with and why?
21. Please explain how you would like me to improve our foreplay?
22. How do you like me to touch your breasts/clitoris/penis?
23. After making love what would you like me to do?
24. Do you get disappointed if you don’t reach orgasm and if so, what can I do to help you with that disappointment?
25. How do you feel about masturbation, doing it yourself or me doing it to you?
26. What kind of setting do you enjoy for love making?
27. What do you think of when we discuss variety?
28. What’s one romantic memory you have? Tell me about it and what made it special?
29. How relaxed are you about being naked in front of me? What would make it easier for you to relax?
30. What are the biggest frustrations you experience about sex?
— Andy and Nikki Bray